One of the greatest challenges to remaining Christian was how often Christians let me know that I didn’t fit. I was far too mouthy and would likely never submit to any man. I believed in women’s equality and the dignity of all humans regardless of documentation status. My views sounded more like socialism than the Gospels. I was not their kind of Christian so I was probably no Christian at all.
It’s really hard to stay in a club that people are trying to kick you out of all the time.
Truthfully, I did not want what most of the Christians I knew had. It all felt so…performative. so conditional. so lonely. However, I remained (and still am) bothered by the person of Jesus. The idea of the most loving person who ever lived also “being in very nature God”1 just stuck with me. I remember one day in Systematic Theology I thought I’d found my way out when Craig said something to the effect of, “everything that happens in the world also happens in the church- everything you find out there, you’ll find in here too.” I thought- YES! I’m off the hook! Being the smart mouth that I was (am) I marched into Craig’s office and said, “so what’s the point?! why go?! why even bother?!” He smiled and said, “because we are called to go into the world.”
I may have cursed him or just scowled and stomped off, I don’t remember. But that response has been a guiding principle in my life for over 20 years. Every time I am tempted to walk away (and even when I have for bits here and there) I remember Jesus, the Christ, called me to go into the world and be a light.
Dammit.2
Philippians 2 is just the loveliest and most demanding passages in all of Scripture
My language is also disqualifying (so I’m told). I remember hearing Tony Campolo talk about children dying of starvation but some of us “don’t give a shit” and then said, “some of you are more upset that I said “shit than the fact 30,000 kids died last night.” So, if all you got from this was the fact I said dammit, I’m probably not your kind of Christian either. That’s ok, go in peace.