She spent her whole life wanting to be loved by someone who just couldn’t. Or perhaps did love her but only in the way deeply wounded people love. It was never in the way or amount she needed and she vowed things would be different with her own kids. She tried to be the perfect mother and have perfect children. As if perfection would convince her mother to love her unconditionally. Maybe, just maybe, if her mother saw her perfect children and tidy house she would see how wrong she was not to love her.
But she did not, because her inability to love was never about anyone else.
As her children grew and made lives of their own, she used major events to try to prove she was worthy of her mother’s love. She thought she could plan the perfect wedding or become the perfect grandma and her mother would realize all she’d missed out on and regret it.
As she grew old and more estranged from her own children, she pitied herself for being so unloved. Never realizing the days and years she spent trying to be good enough for her mother had taken up all the room meant to create something new with her own children who vowed never to make the same mistakes she did.
This makes me think of the words circulating Instagram etc right now about how we should not be focusing on pleasing those who came before us but instead on creating a better experience for our children. Focus on the young people … 💙
Thanks for sharing your short story.