Raising Tomatoes

Tomatos? Either way, Happy New Year!

Friends, it’s been one month and a day since my last post- how are you? I hope your holiday time was filled with laughter and good food!

I started to write to you last week about my garden but was interrupted by my first existential crisis of 2023. So here I am today with the beginning of that story - and a much different conclusion (mercy!).

I spent a lot of time in my garden over the break. There were weeds to be pulled, powdery mildew to deal with, vegetables and herbs to harvest, and so on. I loved every minute of it. But I gotta tell ya, my tomatoes are out of control. I mean WILDLY out of control. It's not their fault. They're growing, that's what they're supposed to do. The problem is they grew really fast while I was busy working 2 jobs and hadn’t paid close attention to them. The problem? They were spreading OUT instead of growing UP.

*Cue any Adele song that signals 'woman having existential crisis’*

Aren’t tomatoes supposed to grow UP and use a cage to lean on? Am I a terrible gardener? Do I have to prune all these fruiting limbs and course correct my negligence?

OH MY GOD…are my tomatoes a metaphor for my children? Am I a negligent mother? Did I give them too much free time over Christmas break and ruin this semester of school already? Have I set them up to fail in life because I have to work to feed and clothe and house them!?

*slams laptop shut*

4-5 days later in garden…

Wait. Didn’t you plant tumbling varieties of tomatoes? YOU DID! That’s why they’re growing out and trailing through the garden! You didn’t screw them up- you just forgot what they were! Look at how many you’re harvesting every day! These are happy healthy tomatoes! You are a fine gardener!

1-2 more days later I allowed myself to acknowledge this epiphany also applied to my children.

My kids are healthy and happy (unless they’re doing Math homework or being told it’s time for bed). I am not a bad mother. I have not ruined them. Despite what that girl who I used to know said about working moms damaging their kids (screw her!) - I am a good mom. Sometimes I just forget there are different varieties of people, too. Mine are the wild kind. The sprawling out their feelings, stories, art supplies and legos all over the place kind. The ‘tell you how they feel and what they think at all hours of the day’ kind. The “delight to have in class but needs to work on paying attention” kind. My job is not to prune their personalities from them. It’s to give them a safe environment to be exactly who they are. To assure them they are loved no matter what- and have peace that will be enough.

pictured: Me, a shirt full of tomatoes, grinning ear to ear in my messy house