I Was Not Ready

I was not ready to be seen.

Was not ready to be asked how- as the mother of half Asian children- I was processing what happened in Atlanta.

As a woman I had feelings and expressed them easily (that is a danger I’m familiar with).

But as the wife of an Asian man- daughter in-law of Asian parents- I was not ready to be asked if I am afraid-

Because I am.

And the fear you have for the ones you love is different than the fear you have for your own body- so I was not ready to be seen.

Because that means my fear is real.