I am the biological and birth mother of two exceptionally healthy children. They are the loves of my life and I could not imagine my world without them. They are also the reason I am pro-choice.
There was a time in my life when I would’ve said, “a baby should never pay the price for adults’ decisions…” but the older I get, and the more women’s stories I’ve been entrusted with - it’s just not that simple.
My pregnancies were difficult. I had no problem getting pregnant, but was extremely ill with Hyperemesis Gravidarum until 24 weeks. With my youngest, I lost 20 lbs in a month and was hospitalized. I then went on disability and had 3x a week IV treatment just to stay hydrated. I barely ate and only left the house for the IV treatments. There were many nights I prayed I just wouldn’t wake up the next day or thought, “it wouldn’t be the worst thing if this pregnancy ended” a thought that was previously unfathomable for me. I had an 18 month old daughter I adored but I wanted to die and was, at times, indifferent to my son’s survival because that is how sick I was.
You may not relate to any of what I just said- and honestly I hope you don’t because I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. There are a lot of peoples’ stories that I don’t relate to- I’ve never had an abortion, a miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, an unviable fetus, or dealt with infertility. I am not adopted and have no adopted children. I cannot imagine the complexity of feelings for people who’ve experienced those things. I just know what it’s like to be pregnant and be so terribly ill that I wanted to die. I did not terminate my pregnancy- but I wouldn’t judge a woman who had.
This week, as people are vocalizing their feelings about a woman’s incredibly personal decision whether or not to stay pregnant - I would love for everyone to take a breath and remember our shared humanity. I would also like to offer the guideline that if something feels unfathomable to you, you are not an authority to speak on it.